2022 - I will trust.
"When you are living the life you are meant to live, you have a certainty in your spirit that you are fulfilling God's plan and purpose for your life. When you feel a nagging that you are out of sync, it's likely that you are operating outside of God's plan." - Tom Paterson, Living the Life You Were Meant to Live
Health issues forced my hand into what kinds of jobs I took in my 20's. Administrative office jobs were never a dream job for me. Still, they helped me discover many skills I didn't know I had and prepared me for the unique journey that God had me on. But those almost ten years had me often feeling frustrated, stressed, and confused.
I desperately wanted to know where I was headed.
Why had I spent so many years of my life on a stage to be behind a desk? It wasn't the spotlight that I was craving, but something was missing. I constantly strived to figure it out. But my human mind would never be capable of putting me on the very unique path I was already on. One that led me to begin a new creative job at the start of 2022 that would utilize my past experiences and passions.
All my life, I dreamed I'd be on stage for my career.
I made my theatrical debut when I was four years old as a lamb in the church musical. That kickstarted my performing at an early age, and I devoted all my free time to pursuing what I loved to do most. My high school years were the busiest — participating in the South Orange County School of the Arts during the day, then an after-school conservatory in the late afternoon and many evenings.
Even my major car accident was only able to slow me down for about a month. As soon as I was stable, I jumped back into rehearsal as the Elvis-like character, Conrad Birdie, in the musical Bye Bye Birdie. Only I had one restriction at that time — doctor's orders wouldn't allow me to lift more than a soup can's weight.
A few years later, when it was time to decide on a college, Chapman University was the obvious choice. Known for its excellent film school, I decided to gain a new skill through Dodge College by pursuing the more "practical" SoCal performing job — screen acting. I also studied Public Relations and Advertising because I had a gut feeling that these two degrees would somehow work together one day.
May 19, 2012
I got down on one knee that day, on stage at Chapman's commencement ceremony, to propose to the Midwest beauty I fell in love with throughout my college career. She had walked alongside me during my life's most profound challenges and had shown me a love I didn't know existed.
I also graduated that day, which was significant because I had hardly made it through college. The aftermath of my 2005 car accident left me with chronic pain and debilitating health issues that were beginning to spiral out of control. I pushed through these four years — through the fog and through the intensive "brain rehab" treatment that my functional neurologist had prescribed. After these devastating years, I was ready to finally put the past behind me, get married, and pursue my dream of performing.
June 5, 2012
Two weeks after my graduation and proposal, I was planning a wedding and in tech week of a show at the Saddleback Civic Light Opera. When I went to get out of bed that morning, the direction of my entire life changed drastically.
I couldn't straighten out my body and fell to the floor.
I couldn't get out of the fetal position.
I lay there, waiting to be carried from the floor to the emergency room, as the dreams for my life, once again, crumbled.
I felt paralyzed.
Needless to say, I missed the entire run of my show and supported the cast from a wheelchair.
My last blog post was January 2021, when I shared that my word (and spiritual focus) for the year wasn't one but two words — LEAD ME. I didn't know what was coming, but I committed to pray these two words consistently for the year. I thought it meant that I'd be writing tons and moving this personal project forward. But clearly, God had something else planned.
In June, Covid restrictions were lifted in the US, and life was supposed to go back to normal. And although we were all ready to move on, it wouldn't be that easy for most of us. Although I've wanted to many times in my life, we can't simply forget the past and move forward.
With the reopening of "normal life" activities, I needed time to reflect on what had happened since Covid changed our lives before I jumped back into what I previously knew. With these reflections came bouts of stress, anxiety, and depression. And I found myself grieving the many losses we all experienced.
My simple prayer - LEAD ME - was one of the only strategies I had, but I felt entirely disconnected from God, my family, and my own self. I didn't know where I was headed and couldn’t picture when things would ever get better. Everything inside of me was again spiraling out of control. But my physical health, for the first time in fifteen years, was NOT.
What I've learned about chronic pain helped me process the emotions I needed to feel instead of the physical pain I previously felt.
God led me through the storm that I was feeling inside. I learned to feel these terrible feelings of sadness, process them, give them to Him and move forward.
And I'm incredibly grateful and humbled to share that God moved in me in ways I couldn't have imagined or planned for.
January 1, I started in my new role as the Weekend Experience Producer at Eastside Christian Church. My primary responsibility is to help execute the vision for our weekly church services, from tying in creative film elements to writing the scripts for our hosts to share strategic opportunities and messaging with our congregation. Film and PR….in the same career…and AT A CHURCH??
I didn't know a job like this existed and honestly wouldn't have been interested when I graduated back in 2012 anyway. But God was continually laying the groundwork when I received a mailer that year to check out Eastside.
I'm blown away that it took my human mind 28 years to realize that I could fulfill my life dream by going back to where I started — the church.
I grew up in the church but it wasn't until June 2015 that I felt led to work in a church after finally cracking open The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. The book suggests that we were all created to love God and others and help them experience the freedom only found through Jesus. And it started a stirring in me — why was I not putting more of my energy towards living out my purpose?
Since my back injury almost 1o years ago, five surgeries, chronic pain and countless other health issues, I tried to inject creativity into the administrative desk jobs I found myself able to do. During this time, I discovered a love for organization, innovation and strategy that I wouldn't have otherwise known I possessed. God used these roles to prepare me for this next step.
Although I’d been working at a church for the past four years, it wasn't until October 2021 that I realized I was, in fact, on track to not only fulfill my purpose but also utilize both of my degrees and work in a role where I could truly embrace who God made me to be.
To say it has been a journey is an understatement. There were countless unknowns and frustrations to get to this point. Being new to ministry, I was commonly asked about my long-term goals in the church. I truthfully had no idea, and it felt foolish to share that I didn't have a plan.
But at the core of my being, I knew that TRUST was the plan.
And that somehow I was in the right place.
If I could give my past anxiety-filled self one piece of advice, it would be to have patience and simply trust that God was in control all along. As much as I wondered where I was headed, there was nothing to figure out — really nothing to do — but be patient. And trust that He was in control.
He was truly working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
At the beginning of another new year, again, I find myself eagerly anticipating the ways God will move. But this time, I'm expecting something even more remarkable because of what I learned in 2021. I know that, even though this is a new job that I chose, I will still have times of doubt. So I've chosen TRUST as my word for 2022.
I will trust that He will continue to use me for His purpose.
I will trust that He is working.
And I will trust that He has a plan.
Friends, regardless of where you are at in your journey, I hope you are reminded today that He is in control. If any part of this post resonates with you, I pray that you can take a few moments right now to rest in His power, His presence, and His plan for your life.
As we begin this new year, is there an area in your life that you need to simply let go of all control and TRUST?
It’d mean so much to hear your thoughts below and I’d love for you to share this with someone who needs to hear it. ❤️
